I am walking away...

Hard to explain few words, few things that happen in life. It’s true that life changes shape, size and changes color probably every instance of seconds without even us realizing it. Every moment of our life we struggle for our own existence and forget what we might be leaving behind. Is it necessary that every moment we remind the person whom we love and care for the most that they are the ones who make us what we are? I believe it's not. but definitely if there are unspoken words then once in a while we have got to let that feelings of the heart open and if not through words but through action show how much someone really means. It’s not the big things in life that counts. The smaller picture, the little small doings, the little small prayers that makes someone special, someone wanted. I have always wondered why I need friends. I am happy being alone, cloaked in my secrecy, am happy with my own very small existence. Then I realized I was wrong. I need friends, through whom I can reflect my own life, need them for a shoulder to cry on, for those stupid arguments which make me rage in anger and then realize a whole new me! And for that very special moments when they make me realize I am so very cared, so very wanted and so very loved!!! It’s difficult when life takes you on a roller coaster ride and more often than not we get thrown away in some other plane where we have to claim our very new survival. well friends change, places change, weather change, a whole new world of change’s accepted what life had to offer coz honestly I had no choice. My very few happy days are spent when I come back to my own self with people whom I love and care about the most. But I failed to realize that it's not me who goes through the change alone, it's everyone else too. The place where I was standing abandoned me, the closeness, the warmth and affection they are all there but in a distance. Now I have to stretch out my hands and ask for it when before it used to come down to me. am not cribbing and complaining why but all I say at the end of the day it's hard to accept that what you had yesterday ,what came to you so naturally ,today you have to struggle to get it. Well that's what you call emotions and what I call "the human crap". The door that would open before I have to push it open now that's all that changed. Surprising that people you thought were close to you, now have become prey to the jealous eye. There’s always someone watching you to take that place where you belong. And it's a constant effort to stand up and face that fear. Some people are friends coz they need problems in their life to be solved by someone who shares the same experiences, some needs that emotional support to open up and be themselves, some needs that bond of fraternity to care and show affection to, while for others it's just fun to be with. My question is if I step down step down tomorrow, repaint my existence from their lives would it really matter? Would someone really miss me? I know my other half would, but the others will blend into the sphere and erase every feeling putting it as a memory back of their mind. Little things that makes us precious and wanted in everyday life, A little love, a little attention, a little care, a little time, a small little moment of remembrance that's all I ask for, nothing more nothing less. Not a clause for jealousy and plight, not to prove who's better and get the looks of jealous eyes. Fundamental theory of life "change is the only permanent thing ", so flow with the change or be prepared to be kicked off...I made a choice, am stepping down the stairs...